Where two or more are gathered...

Matthew 18:20.  
A scripture that I hear a lot, by well meaning and beautiful children of God.  
This scripture has always been a source of confusion for me.  From the surface, it seems very encouraging!  Especially if you have been raised in the church.  It's something you probably grew up hearing, something you put into practice (I know I have!) when praying about something specific or big!   
But, what if you weren't raised in the church?  
Try reading, or speaking this scripture, in the context that we, as Church Raised Christians use it. 

Matthew 18:20 "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

So does this mean that if I pray by myself He isn't there?  Does this mean that He may not hear my prayer if I stop in the grocery store when I get a text from someone asking me to pray for them, and I do?...
Hmmm...

Well this summer, when I was in Uganda, I heard the Segner's Pastor say something mind blowing!!
He explained the context in which this verse was given!  I had never even considered that there was any other context!  I had fallen prey to my own laziness of not paying attention to this scripture when reading it, just passing it by as "Oh I know that one and I know its meaning already, no need to hover"  Ouch!! Conviction!!

Here is what the scripture actually reads:

Matthew 18:15-20

Dealing With Sin in the Church

15 “If your brother or sister[b] sins,[c] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’[d]17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

18 “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be[e] bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be[f] loosed in heaven.

19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Wow!!!  You are telling me, this scripture has nothing to do with Prayer Meetings??!!  It doesn't mean that if I want something, I mean REALLY want something to happen I have to call my brother or sister in Christ so that 2 or more are gathered...I can pray myself!! YESS!!! Hallelujah!!!

I find this incredibly encouraging!!  We as believers have the ability, and the awesome blessing, of speaking directly to our Heavenly Father!! That's pretty cool;)  

Of course praying together with your Brothers and Sisters in Christ is extremely awesome and should be done regularly!  

But, wait, what does that say?? This opens up a whole other world of questions!

My thought process that began this blog, came because recently I have heard this phrase ALOT:

"You/they can't judge me, only God can judge me!"

And I don't mean personally someone told me this, although I would be lying if I said I had never been told this, or truth be told, never said those words before...cause I have, to both.

But what got me thinking about it was a series of events, that started with a conversation about a sermon my Pastor, Will Lewis of Brazos Fellowship Church, was going to be doing.  Something stuck with me from that conversation, and I will share it with you.  

Simply it was (in my own words, because frankly I have slept since then, and I don't remember the exact wording;): 

We are not to judge the non believer, they do not know any better, but the believer is held to a different standard, and we are called to lead and judge our fellow believers, to hold them to a different standard than the world.

That was a powerful statement to me.  

I always knew, that as a believer, our eyes had been opened and therefore we were held to a higher standard, but hearing those words made a larger impact.  I think it helps us as believers to see that while we are set free from our sin, that doesn't mean that we have been given a "get out of jail free" card!  It doesn't mean we can do whatever we want and think "oh well, He will forgive me".  And while that statement is true, His blood covers a MULTITUDE of sins, yours and mine, previous and future, does that mean we should take advantage?  Is that what we think of our SAVIOR?!  You know, the one who died for our sins?  Not just died, His death was bad enough (if you have never read the story, go now! Read it as if you were there, not as folklore! It was not an easy death. Start in Matthew 26), He was then separated from our Heavenly Father, taking on the sin of the world... that was the real punishment.  He KNEW what it meant to be with the Lord, He knew what He was giving up.  We can't even fathom how Great, Mighty, Glorious, Amazing, Breath taking our Heavenly Father is.  But He did.  And this is why He was sweating blood praying for the cup to be taken from Him, why He cried out "Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!!"  He did that for you and me...and our human nature is to take advantage of it...

The next thing that struck me was hearing jokes about it.  I just recently saw a post by a comedian whom I won't name, because honestly, she is not the type I want to advertise for...

She was making fun of Miley Cyrus...and she said "You can't judge me!  Only God can judge me!" to the camera.  

There were other incidences but these were the major ones, and this one was the last straw!  I had to say something:)  

I want you to know that if you are a believer, and you are under the authority of a church, your church leaders have been given the authority to instruct you in the ways of the Lord!  And to discipline you if you turn your back on those ways.  

I am not saying that we as believers need to go around to each other and start "throwing stones" every chance we get!  No!  But I am saying that if someone has a serious sin in their life that they refuse to let go of, you need to address it with them!  Lovingly, do as Matthew 18:15-20 states, and if someone comes to you in this manner...LISTEN!  And do not get defensive, and know that if they are coming to you, they LOVE you!  It is not malicious intent, it is out of love that they speak, and even discipline.  Our Pastors are led to play a parental role in our lives, they are called Shepherds because they are called to lead.

My story is FAR from perfect!!  I was that girl!  I remember saying (or really repeating the devils whispers) "God would want me to be happy, and you only live once (YOLO right??!!  Am I right??!!) HA!  No!  He wants us to be JOYFUL!! and He wants that for us all!!  And if you have ever counseled with me, you already know this, but there is a difference between happiness and joyfulness!  

If we are doing something selfish, we are hurting someone else!  Why would He want that? He loves us all (even those we don't like! So pray for your frienemies!! Pray a blessing over them!!).

Do not let yourself be fooled into believing that you live for today, for we live for eternity...and our lives, our choices decide where and how (yes there is a difference) we will spend it!

Even tho I was that girl, something in me told me, take what you are given, you do deserve the punishment, the alienation, the judgement.  I hated it.  I am a people pleaser, and I hate knowing that there are those out there that dislike me in a big way because of my past actions.  But I thank the Lord, that He never stopped pursuing me.  That thru those who judged me, I learned how to truly be a follower.  

The difference between a believer and a follower?

Believer: One who believes in the Lord

Follower: One who thinks everyday about how he/she can please the Lord, and MOURNS his/hers sins when he/she does fall short and repents!

Which are you?

July 17...

Today I slept in!  I woke up to the alarm!  This whole trip I have been waking up at 6am, so it was a nice change of pace.

When i woke up, I gathered my things and went to take a shower.  It felt incredible!  You don't realize how much warm water means to you, till you don't really have it:) Our guest house is very iffy on warm water, which is totally fine, but this felt so good!  This shower was definitely luxary!

After my shower I went to the breakfast table and ate the chipati I had ordered the night before.  A chipati is alot like a flour tortilla, only thicker and greasier...so better! lol!
Then I ordered it filled with peanut butter and a banana.  After eating eggs every day this week, this was incredible!

Then we prepared to go.
When Paul, our driver, arrived we loaded up and headed to town.
We quickly stopped to drop our overnight bags at the guest house, then headed to town.
The team did some shopping, while I sat & had coffee.
I then realized I had left money for our lunch back at the guest house.  So I hopped on a bota (a motorcycle taxi) and told him where to go.
Usually this isn't a problem...this guy didn't understand me!
He kept trying to drop me at random spots...but we finally made it.

I went to get the key, only to realize, 1. the girls hadn't turned it in, and 2. they don't keep a master (good and bad).
After talking back and forth with Paul, I finally was able to get the key and get the money and head back.

We ordered and ate at The Source.  It was amazing as usual!
After lunch we headed back to our rooms to put on village attire.  Once dressed we were ready for a day of fun!

We went out to Kagoma Gate and were met by the children.  I love seeing those sweet faces!

I soon had a small child in my arms.
The team began to deworm them.  They gave them each 4 tablets of de worming medicine, and a chewable vitamin to help mask the horrible taste of the medicine, and gave them a mark on their cheek with a sharpie so they wouldn't return for more of the horrible tasting meds..yes yes they will, it actually happens.

Once this was over we began to play.  Some were blowing bubbles, some were painting nails, and some were passing out crayons & coloring book paper.  There was also a game of futbol (soccer) going on.

John had gotten futbol nets to donate, and those were met with a riotous noise of joy!!  The men promptly got on the poles to attach them!

We played and played!
We set up a small clinic for those who had wounds.  We found a few jiggers and some bad gashes in the children's legs.

The Welcome Home team came out about an hour after we arrived.  Welcome HOme is a local orphanage in Jinja, they have a team that goes out to evangelize to the surrounding villages.
Today they had a movie planned for the children.  They come out with a bang tho!  As soon as they arrive the children and elders know they are in for a good time!
They begin to sing and dance and praise the Lord with the village.
It is an incredible thing to not only witness but to participate in.
We joined in the celebration for about an hour.  But then it was time to start wrapping it up.  Being out there in the heat of the day takes it out of you pretty fast.
As we left the children gathered around the van wishing us well, shaking our hands etc.

We went back to the Segners for a delicious dinner of homemade spagetti!  Kari has perfected her technique and it was so good!  We all enjoyed a little taste of home.
After dinner the Segner kiddos were needing to settle down, so Jason took us all back in two groups.

We met in the guys room to do our team devo.  Tonight we discussed idols.  WE discussed how easy it is for something to become an idol in our life.  It does not necessarily need to be a golden calf.  WE discussed different idols in our life, our work, children, spouse, social media, tv etc.  Anything that is taking presedence over our relationship with God is an idol and we should take that seriously.
It was a great discussion!

This is Marshall, he followed along to capture what we were doing, look his website up at www.mixedmarshallarts.net

working on removing jiggers

Everett washing feet

Jess trying sugar cane!

Cody Cody was his nickname from the kids!  it means "knock" like you would come up to a house and say "hello! anybod there?"  here you would say "cody cody!"

The kids all gathered around to hear Jess and her beautiful voice

Nets! yay!

Pierce being Pierce! lol! love that kid!

July 16...

Today I woke up at 6am and couldn't go back to sleep.  So instead of just laying there, I got up!  I took my journal and Bible up to the front and got a cup of coffee, and dug into the Word.
The Lord has given me such a peace this trip, but also convicting me.
He has once again shown me my need to be present in my life back home.   Here, it's so easy!  No wifi, no tv...simple.  I read, I journal, I enjoy His creation and serving Him.
At home I have become distracted AGAIN!
We do that, don't we?!  We learn a lesson, change for a bit and then go right back! 
This time I want it to be different, this time I will be more present in my life, my husbands life, and my children's lives.  This time I will spend the needed time with God.  And make Him my priority above all else.
This time I will building my friends in the Lord more, I will encourage relationship and study with Him, rather than idle talk.  I will seek His discernment and wisdom to live in a way that shows Christ.

After an amazing quiet time, I worked out.
That has been one great thing about this trip, I made it a priority to workout, even short bursts.  So I did a quick 15 minute workout of squats, push ups and sit ups.
Then headed back to the room to get my MNS vitamins that have been a life savor for me this trip!  Then headed to the dining room to eat breakfast.

Today as everyday, it was scrambled eggs and toast.  Sorry Adam, I ate (eat) one piece of toast with jame every monring while here! Lol!
I also ate a banana, but that was right after my workout! :)

After eating I went back to the room & got packed and ready for the day.
Paul came to get us.  If I haven't mentioned Paul, I should have.  Paul is our driver.  He is married with 2 children, Paulette and Paula:)  Love this culture!
He is a great driver!

We piled in and headed to our rest and relaxation day at the Nile River Camp.
I have been here before and was so excited!  It is so beautiful!  Immediately I got a cup of tea, and sat down in front of the amazing view of the Nile and began to read my book.
The Segners joined us soon and we worked out the details of the day (which wasn't much!)
Then Jason walked up and said "who's going?" and I quickly found out this meant on the rope swing into the Nile!!
I was TERRIFIED!!  It was so high up!  But I had to do it!! I mean come on! How many times can you say you jumped off a rope into the Nile River!!
Jason went first, then John, Clint, Cody, Jessica, Pam, Karson, Everett...then it was my turn...I stood in complete fear of the rope!  I am so afraid of heights!
Probably 5 minutes passed (seemed like much longer!) of talking myself into it, as well as the others cheering me on...I finally jumped!!  I was awesome!

Here is the video:

But, once was enough!! I did it!!
I went up, jumped into the pool, got out after a minute and sat in the sun and read my book!
Not long after, lunch was ready and I ate the most amazing burger!  It was more like meatloaf but it was delicious!

About an hour later we took a boat tour of the Nile.
We saw amazing birds, monkeys, lizards etc.  We were on the Nile for about 2 hours, so almost as soon as we got back dinner was ready...it was so good!

After diner the Segners left, and the team decided to play cards.  We sat around a big table and played BS...had a blast!  We laughed so hard!! Our team is amazing:)

Dillon, one of the guys who works here, built us a bonfire and we moved out there.
We began to have worship.  It's not everyday that you get to sit around a campfire on the Nile and sing praises to the Lord! 
Cody led us in prayer and we began a time of reflection.
I asked the team if anyone had anything to share about hwat the Lord had been doing on this trip...every person opened up.  There were triumphs, fears conquered, but also fears for heading home and the temptations of life.  It was an incredible time of community.  Today was exactly what I prayed for.
Thank you Lord!

After the boat ride

Dad and Jessica (she is not holding a beer!  Its a Stoney's my favorite drink ever!)

JULY 15th

Today we woke up and had breakfast as usual. 
A new addition to our team arrived around 9am.  His name is Marshall Foster.  Marshall is a photographer from Austin, TX who wanted to give back!  So he sold everything, raised funds and has been partnering with different ministries to create videos and pictures for them to better tell their story!!  It's so awesome, and crazy because I had literally just been looking into this type of thing, so it was cool to see someone doing it.
Jason, Kari & The Welcome Home team got here about 10am, we loaded up & headed back to Kagoma Gate to finish what we started.
On the way there I had great convo's with Meagan, and something really cool that I found out, was that India has been on her heart as much as mine!  And for about the same time frame!  Maybe the Lord has plans in that!  We will see:)
When we arrived we split back into our groups.  We then proceeded to finish our challenge.  And even though some were out digging, most were home and except a few we were able to finish the village!
We worked really hard till about 3:30pm, we arrived home and had about an hour to freshen up and then we headed to the Segner's for dinner.  Tonight was chicken stew and eggplant, made by Apio and again it did not disappoint!!

ONce dinner was over we gathered for worship & reflection.  Jessica and Tiffany led worship and it was incredible.  Then Pam led our reflection and talked about overcoming fears.  I am so proud of her!! She has done amazing and the Lord has her here for a reason!

Fun thing I learned how to do:)  Enjoy!!

July 14th

Today we woke up prepared for church.
We were so blessed to be able to attend Acacia Community Church, which has become the Segner's Ugandan home church.  The worship was led by an incredible team of Ugandans.  It was so touching, beautiful and worshipful.  I cried for joy as I worshipped the incredible God we serve!
Pastor Terry rose and began delivering the message out of 2nd Peter.  His words were so profound and his teaching was encouraging...yet convicting.  There were 2 testimonies and both were powerful.
Before the message began, something else I enjoyed was the invitation for prayer requests.  There must have been 100+ people and several just stood up and spoke their requests for the congregation to hear.  I was also proud of my dad for standing to ask prayer for Healing Faith and the malaria program.
We then prayed together and the prayer was ended by Katie Davis (if you don't know who she is look at www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com)
During the service dad all of the sudden felt very ill and broke out into cold sweats.
Jason took him to the car, gave him some electrolytes and he was thankfully a little better.

After service half went back to the house and half went to get lunch.  For lunch we had Samosas.  They were AMAZING!  They are basically a triangle shaped egg roll with meat and veggies...sooo good!

Once lunch was over we rested a bit.  Around 2 we headed to Welcome Home Orphanage.

We all went into different classes and played with the kids!
I found myself attached to a little girl named Marta!
She wouldn't let me put her down!  I was swinging her and at one point Pierce went out of my sight so I said "I'll be right back" and when I got back she had big tears!
Then I tried to set her down to grab Pierce and she was not having that!  <3!  She is probably 2.5 years, maybe 3, adorbs!!
But about 10 minutes before we left, she all the sudden got down and ran off!  Thank the Lord because I don't know how I would've said goodbye!

We left and headed straight to Surjios!  The best pizza in Jinja!  I got my stoney's fix X2! Lol!  Ate my Veggie Pizza and it felt great!
After that we headed back to our guest house.

We all met upstairs in the guys room since the festival (like a carnival/concert/frat part, which happened to be across the street!) was still going on and was SOOOOOO loud!
Jessica led us in a time of worship and we once again had a great time of reflection.
Once we were done we all went back to our rooms.
For some reason Tressie and I were wide awake and we dragged Pam into our conversation;) Lol!  It was 9:30pm...then all of the sudden it was 1am!!
The Lord knew what he was doing when He put us as roommates;)  Love them both!

Pictures... July 13... Pictures

A few pics from the beginning of our trip!

Sleeping at the cafe!

It became a game to see how many pics we could get of Clint sleeping! He slept no matter where we were! 

July 13...

Look at me!! 2 nights in a row!  I am determined to journal this trip:)

I slept so good last night, despite the fair going on!

I woke up at 7:30am and showered, and oh goodness that was amazing!  I got dressed & went to eat.

Breakfast of Eggs, Toast & Pineapple...and coffee:)  Love me some Ugandan coffee, even though it was instant, it was still good!

I then did my devotional.  Kari did a fabulous job at putting together a devotional especially for our trip, I really enjoy it, it gives me a fire to read more!

Something, I admittedly struggle with.  Not the wanting to read, but knowing where to start, direction, and then I get overwhelmed.

I love just digging in and seeing things in a different way than before.  Verses I always thought of as meaning on thing, sometimes renew its meaning to something more, essentially blowing my mind!  I love it!

Once I finished it was time to go.

Jason, Kari and the Welcome Home Crew met us and we all went out to the Kagoma Gate Village.

Welcome Home is an orphanage that Kari & Jason have partnered with.  They do a wonderful job of ministering to the kids and families, teaching songs and scriptures partnering with Jason & Kari as they minister medically, always reiterating the Love of Christ!  Their calling to minister healing physically and spiritually is a beautiful thing!

Today we also had 3 other volunteers.  

Drew, who is one of the founders of Sole Hope (www.solehope.com).  His group treats jiggers, they clean feet and extract the jiggers, and are friends with the Segner's.

Another guy named Mike was also with them visiting, as well as a guy named Corey.

We took the long drive to Kagoma Gate and arrived to greetings of "Mzungu!" (meaning white person!)

We piled out of the van & began singing with the children, "I love you Jesus deep down in my heart!"  Kari introduced our team, explained our mission for the day and we began organizing for the work ahead.

Our Mission:

The Healing Faith Malaria Prevention Program!

We split into 4 groups, and we each had a job.

Translater, Teacher, Sprayer (insecticide), and Net Hangers.

In our group I was a sprayer. 

We gathered the heads of the household together, Kari taught them about malaria and what caused it, the symptoms, and even symptoms that were NOT malaria.  She taught them about what we were doing to help prevent it, i.e.. hanging nets, spraying and gave them an incentive...Healing Faith would return in 3 months to check on them, and if they were still actively trying to prevent malaria (still had their nets and didn't sell them), then they would respray, replace nets as needed, and treat those who do contract malaria.  We figured out an organized way to make it happen and moved quickly!  We were able to pray with each household upon finishing, which was so awesome!  Everyone was very welcoming, and I know that is because Kari & Jason have worked so hard to build relationships with the people in this village and they have built trust.  I am so proud of them and blessed to have seen it first hand!

We as a whole were able to complete nearly 100 homes!

We left around 2pm, ate PB&J's on the ride home and then rested.

Jason came to pick us up again around fish, and we were fed an incredible meal by Apio.

Apio is the Segner's house keeper.  One of the sweetest women you will meet!

She is quite the entrepreneur!  She, with the help of the Segner's, have begun a catering business!  So we had the pleasure of tasting her delightful meals!

Kari & Jason have really built an incredible friendship with her, it's awesome to see how they minister at every turn.

That night she made a beef stew that the whole team RAVED about for days!  I have never been able to eat the meat prepared by Ugandans because it is usually tough...not this time!  Apio has a gift!

After we ate we had a time of worship lead by Jessica and Tiffany, and then a time of reflection.

It was a good day!

Getting the insecticide poured into spray bottles

Spraying the huts

Kari teaching, and our sweet translator Lydia

Cody & Drew hanging nets

The beauty that is Kagoma Gate

The journey begins...July 12, 2013

I kept a journal, purely with the intention of writing this blog, so it will be written as if I am there:)

Our journey started at 2pm on July 10th in BCS.  We loaded up 11 suitcases, 22 ministry boxes full of goodies, 11 carry ons, random purses and 13 people!
Our team consists of 11 members, and we had 2 excellent drivers for the 2 vehicles we needed to take.
One of the drivers was my sweet husband!  I was so excited for Chris to be driving.  To get to spend that extra few hours with him was so nice!
I miss him so much already, and my girls.  That is the hardest part of my trips...leaving them behind.
I feel like the Lord is telling me not to without him again though, which is fabulous since we just started our own business and he can!
I would love to go as a family...but we will see what God's will is!

We arrived at the Houston Airport, got checked in & boarded without incidence.
The flight was easy and went by faster than normal (I felt like!).
I watched a couple of movies while on board which made it easier.
We arrived at Heathrow (London) at 11:25am, and got thru rather quickly!
Shannon's sister Amy met us, helped us get our tickets to the Tube (the London subway) and we made our way to Pickadilly Circus!
It took about an hour, then we purchased tour bus tickets, ate food & hopped on "The Big Bus" and took the red route!
It was amazing to see the beautiful architecture, the history that abounded in every turn.  I would love to live in London.
At 6pm we headed back to the airport and boarded our flight.
This flight felt longer & more uncomfortable.  Mainly because I couldn't sleep well.  However, we arrived early & safely!
The Entebbe airport was also easy to get thru & we got out of there with all of our luggage intact in record time!  Even Kari was amazed!!
It was so good to see Kari!  And Karson, was has grown so much, and sweet Hadlee!!!

We still had to pick Megan up at 1pm & because of a mix up with the vehicles (last minute our coaster/bus reservation was cancelled due to the festival that was in town).  We waited at a local cafe, ate breakfast, drank coffee and napped!  Where in the states can you just hang out at a cafe and take a nap on their couches!!

Megan arrived on time & we headed to Jinja at 2:30pm.  Kari has some mad driving skilz!!
She got us home in one piece;)
It was awesome to see Apio & Tom greet us!  They are so sweet!
Then came Pierce and Everett!!  They are getting so big!!! I love their sweet hugs!

Apio cooked us all a traditional Ugandan meal & it was fabulous!!!

Jason then went thru orientation with the team & we packed up & headed to our Guest House.
I am so exhausted, I am only spending time in my journal, bible & prayer...no shower!
Goodnight!!

PS, Our room is great!  It's small but I am roomates with Tressie & Pam!  Our bathroom locks from the outside, so you have to have someone lock you in, but it works!
(update: we rigged a sports bra to connect to the towell bar and hook on to the handle so we didn't have to have someone lock us in! lol!)

Stay tuned for more tomorrow!!

Restoration & Grace

Today is my birthday...and as I've gotten...ahem older...I have become less and less excited about this day. 
But today, although I still cringe at my new found age, I have been reminiscing about my life.
Thinking of days long ago, and where I am now. 
I am in awe of where the Lord has brought me to.  And still amazed sometimes of how He rescued me.
Today I wonder if even one of you who have read this, have ever thought, God could never use me...

My last post was very open and honest, very revealing and personal.  Well let's get personal again!

I am attaching a link to a message that my Pastor gave a couple of weeks ago.  In it He gives part of my testimony.  It is a reminder to me that I was broken, seemingly beyond repair, but how the Master Healer put the pieces back together and has worked thru me since. 
How once I gave up control to Him, that is when I really started living.

If you have some time, watch this message:)

http://vimeo.com/64676261

Let's get a little personal...

Earlier this month I got an unexpected phone call from Kim Schams.
Kim is the Founder of Aggieland Pregnancy Outreach (APO for short), for those of you that aren't aware of who she is and the incredible work she does.

When I first met Kim, she was running APO out of her home as just a way to help unwed pregnant teenage girls find the resources needed to make a decision on what to do.  Her hope was to prevent abortion, and if wanted, to connect girls to great adoption agencies that could help them find potential adoptive parents for their unborn children.
Since then she has turned it into a full blown adoption agency!

For those that don't know me incredibly well, you are probably wondering when this was and why.
Well, at the age of 17 I found myself pregnant and very confused as to what to do.
I was scared and I was hearing opinions from everyone.
I was told to get an abortion so I don't have to deal with it.  I was told to consider adoption, to think about the unborn child and her life above my own.  I was also on the other side told to keep the baby, that I would regret giving my child away.
Thankfully, no one really pressured  me, but were just offering their loving advice.
I am a Christian, and while I was obviously not following Christ very well at that time, I knew I couldn't have an abortion because of my belief that it is murder, that I knew I couldn't live with.
However, I wasn't sure I could give a baby up for adoption either.
But my mom had learned about what Kim was doing and talked me into at least going to see what she had to say, to maybe help me make sense of it all.
So I did just that.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I remember her house, I remember what my ex was wearing and I remember the truck we drove up in.
I remember sitting down with her.  She gave me several brochures to look at and explained that the word adoption has so many negative conotations to it, but that the adoption of today has changed.  It is no longer this hush hush thing, where the baby is swept away from the birth mother never to be seen or heard of again, and everyone acts like nothing ever happened.  No.  Today there are many options as a birth mother.  You can still choose a closed adoption, where you never see the baby again.  Or you could choose an Open adoption.
This peaked my interest.  What was an open adoption?
Kim explained that in an Open adoption, I could remain an active part of her life.  How active would be discussed with the adoptive parents.  But it could be as little as receiving pictures once in a while, to even seeing the child.
I was still very confused but I felt like I had a better grasp on what my choices were.  I went home and prayed.
I wanted to keep the baby, but had no idea how I would take care of her.  I knew my parents would help, but all I could think of was how would I ever get out from under them.  How would I become my own person and what kind of life is that for my baby.  Not a bad one of course, but not the best one.
At this point I just didn't want to make the decision.  I was probably 7 months along when I made a "deal" with God.  You can laugh here, because we all know how those end up! lol!
I prayed and told God "Ok if this is your will, then you will show me an adoptive couple that I know without a doubt will take care of my little girl"  In the back of my head thinking, there is no way I am going to find that in any of those books the adoption agency would show me.
And thats when He did a miracle.
My mom went to visit with her best friend while her children were having their piano lesson at my old piano teacher, Jenny's house.  Once the lesson was over, Jenny normally would continue on with another student and not have time to chat.  But today there was a leak in her yard.  She had to come out to look at it and in the process got to visit with my mother.  In the course of the conversation Jenny asked about me, and my mom told her what was going on.  She said that Jenny then began to tell her about her own personal infertility issues.  They have one daughter, who at the time was 9 years old. It took some intense fertility treatments and new procedures to be able to have her.  They had been trying for another child for some time and she had gone to Houston that morning to meet with an infertility specialist and were planning on trying in-vitro one time.  It was very expensive and the chance of her conceiving was very low.  When my mom mentioned I was thinking about adoption, she said I will need to talk to Tim (her husband) but do you think Rachel would let us adopt her baby?
After discussing it they called my mom and said yes, would she ask me.

I came in that evening and went straight to the kitchen for something to eat.  I don't remember what I did that day or who I was with other than my ex.  But I do remember standing with the freezer open (maybe for ice cream?? lol not sure why!), as my mom explained what happened.
I immediately began to cry, because I knew.  I knew that it was an answer to my prayer.

And that is a small snippet into the story of Rachel Faith, my first born daughter.  She just turned 11 this January...which is crazy!!  She will probably be taller than me, and is incredibly smart.  She is a performer and loves the stage.  Most of all, she is a believer and is happy!  Her older sister EB, dotes on her and loves her so much.  I am so happy she has such an amazing big sister.

Kim called me this month to ask that I share my story in a little different way than I have in the past.
She explained to me that the high school girls they are in contact with now are dealing with the pressure in a different way than I did.  They are being told that adoption is a bad choice.  That they must not like their child if they choose it.  They are looked down on if they choose this option.
I was in shock and so hurt for these girls.
In this age it has become so normal for high school unwed girls to get pregnant and raise children.
To me, the choice was not about my feelings, had it been about that she would be with me still, I did not WANT to give my baby away.  I felt it was the best possible decision for her.
So today I sent her a couple of pictures.  And I hope that my story helps for other young girls to see that life does go on.  That adoption is a good thing if they choose it.  And that it just might be the ultimate sign of love for your child.  Giving them a mother and father able to care for them in a way you can't right now.

We have a very open adoption, and I thank Tim and Jenny from the bottom of my heart for this.
Here are a couple of pictures:

My last Dr appointment before Rachel Faith was born
My mom, Me, and Trey (Rachel Faith's biological father)

This weekend, they are family and came down for Easter.
Me, Rachel Faith, Jenny and Tim.
EB had to work:(  We missed you!!